Talking to a girlfriend today I stumbled upon a hidden issue. We were catching up so we were kind of all over the place, and just hitting on a lot of different topics. I honestly can’t remember what led to this particular topic but before getting off the phone I shared with her a conversation my brother and I had about some events that took place in our childhood. During the conversation with my brother we revealed to one another our feelings regarding these events. It was very enlightening… we both had very different perspectives on what had taken place and how everything unfolded.
Well…it wasn’t until today when I was repeating the story out loud that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not sure why it didn’t pack the same punch when my brother and I spoke about it but what I did know is that I needed to explore this a little further. I needed to get to the root. I needed to shed light on how this may have affected me and how it potentially played a part in my relationships.
Hopefully I’m not disclosing too much information and I have already asked my brother’s permission about sharing but I pray that what I write next blesses you and ultimately releases you from any past bondage that still exists in your life today.
So just to give you a little background….
I was born in New Jersey and my mom, brother and I moved to North Carolina when I was around ten. My brother started “acting out” so eventually he moved back to New Jersey to live with my dad. My dad passed away several years later so my brother moved to Louisiana to live with my Uncle. My brother and my Uncle weren’t seeing eye- to- eye so my brother eventually came back to North Carolina to live with us again.
A lot…yeah, I know…
Well, this was the basis of the conversation with my brother. He opened up to me saying that he felt everyone was always trying to get rid of him since he kept getting bounced around from house to house. I opened up to him and said I felt that no one wanted me because no one fought for me like they fought for him. I mean, when the court system is involved, you’re kind of a big deal.
So how could this have affected me today…
I unknowingly carried this around with me. I subconsciously wanted someone to fight for me….someone to want me….for me to mean that much to someone that they would go thru “hell and high water” to keep me in their lives, I desired to be special. I wanted to be that really big teddy bear that people spent a lot of money on to win at State Fairs. Guess what….this never happened…or did it?
It is a very true and fair statement to say that no male or female, for that matter, has been able to fill this deep down longing of mine. But although they didn’t…and couldn’t….one Man could.
Jesus died for me….the ultimate sacrifice. He was pierced in His side, his feet and his hands…he bled for me. He more than filled this void for me. He longed for me and I now long for Him. He knows the number of hairs on my head, he knows my uprising and down falling, He knew me before I was born, he knit me together in my mother’s womb.
For so many years I longed for someone to long for me with the same intensity you see in romance movies. Someone did….and now I am ready for Him to heal those broken places and accept His unconditional love.
If you have never taken the time to uncover your hidden issues, I plead with you…please do. He wants to free the broken hearted….Let Him!
Let’s experience this freedom together!
Be Bold, Be You, Be Blessed!
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.” Luke 4:18