Did you ever love me?
The words that somberly came out of his mouth during one of our last conversations. The words I was shocked to hear and honestly didn’t know how to answer. He hurt me and although the remorse of what he had done could somewhat be heard in the tone of his voice, it was way too much for me to process in that moment.
Two months?!?!…Two months?!?! Where were you? Who were you with? What happened? A whirlwind of thoughts and emotions running through my mind. So much so that I couldn’t begin to answer his question, I had too many of my own. Questions I don’t think will ever get answered. Not at the level in which I need. His answers, at best, would be vague and at a level that would allow him to save face.
Which still leaves me with, how do I begin to formulate a proper response to this seemingly simple question? Wouldn’t you agree this requires some deeper thought? At least, more than one might initially assume anyway.
So several days go by allowing me to get over the initial shock of the phone call, the question and also allowing me to vent to my girlfriends. After this, I was finally able to articulate what was in my heart.
My response…I loved the person I thought you to be. I loved the representative. The idea…the potential…but at this point in my life, that’s not enough.
Truth be told, it should have never been enough, because what that would mean is, I didn’t love me enough.
These are some tough, hard truths that we as women have to face sometimes. Truths that can often shatter OUR hopes and OUR dreams that we had for OUR lives. Notice I said OUR.
This can leave open questions that begin with when, what, and how? When is he coming? What do I do now? How are you going to work this out?
Only to hear silence…nothing…my hurt, my pain, my cries are so loud and You…where are You?
In the silence…in the seemingly nothingness…I’m here…Be still…Do you love me? Did you ever love me?
Show me…with your life…with your trust and faith in the plan I have for you. It won’t look like others, it won’t feel like others but I am with you guiding you every step of the way. Will you trust me? Will you love me? With the same measure of trust and love you put in men? I am doing a new thing…trust and lean on me and me alone. Can you do that?
Your willingness and obedience have freed you from the bondage of The What, The How and The When because you now know The Who.
Be Bold, Be You, Be Blessed!
“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19