Growing up, most of us were taught not to question God — in the black culture anyway. So for years, I didn’t and it’s only been just recently that I broke my silence and asked God, “Why”?
Now, before you go start judging a sista, my questioning was from a place of discovery, revelation, and clarity, not lack of faith or in an attempt to disprove faith. But then again, maybe there was a bit of disbelief behind what brought me to this place of questioning.
You see, if you live long enough, you’ll find that life has a way of leading you to question what you believed wholeheartedly your whole life. But…
- Was I secretly questioning all along and afraid to share my questions with others for fear of how I would be viewed?
- Had I finally gotten to the point where the silence of “the church” on topics that I deemed important to my faith-walk got to be too much?
- Could this be the very reason that the church is viewed as a religious ritual that most would rather forsake?
- Why those who once believed and likely still do, no longer want to fellowship with the quiet, unspoken, secrets of the saints?
- The “I’m better than you”, perception of perfection, never doubting, always full of faith [or full of something] having saints.
But is doubt really the opposite of faith?
“The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely…”Anne Lamott
I desire to deepen my faith. If I were to say, I never doubted God, I’d be lying. I may not have ever verbally doubted God before now, but I definitely displayed doubt through my action or inaction. And I guess that was the problem, I was tired of being half in and half out. I needed something deeper, something I could only get by reaching within instead of without. I needed someone to speak to my heart and then my mind. And who better to do this than the one who created me.
Now…there is a caveat…you must be prepared for the answer. The response may not be what you expected, how you expected or when you expected but guarantee it will always be what you needed. Be open to the response being a perspective shift or something fruitful like love, joy, patience, goodness, etc. Don’t reject the response because it’s not the one you would have chosen. When you boldly ask “why”, you must also boldly be ready for the answer, whatever it may be. Or don’t ask…
And this is not me being a jerk about it or being judgy but it’s me being real and transparent. Trust me, there are some questions I don’t ask because I’m not ready and committed to the path it may lead me down.
And that, my dear, is a step towards wisdom and deeper faith.
There’s a lot I still don’t know and may never know but despite it all, God is still God and that’s what I’ll rest in. The assurance of his deity, his plan and not mine solidifies my faith and my freedom to ask why.
Loving. Living. Growing.
~ Forever Trina