Becoming The Mrs.

I am not married so what I say may be an idealistic view of marriage and completely impractical.  So married ladies, feel free to “set me straight” as this is an open forum to share thoughts and opinions and ultimately to learn and grow from each other.

So here goes.  I’ve been single for quite some time…39 years to be exact.  Its been an up and down journey that I wish I did not have to take but at the same time, learned so much from.  I’ve grown in ways I could never have imagined and am grateful for the hurt, pain, and scars endured along the way.  Without them, I wouldn’t be the woman who stands before you today.  A woman, I’m personally, really proud of.  Now let’s not get it twisted, sister girlfriend is far from perfect, but I embrace my imperfections with style and grace, unashamed and unapologetic.  

That said, in my journey in desiring to become a wife, I’ve learned that wife isn’t just a title, its a mindset.   Its a perspective shift from me to we with actions that follow.  

I always thought I was ready to be a wife but I was confusing it with being a girlfriend.  Being a girlfriend is easy, it’s noncommittal and is not too demanding on you and even less demanding on the man.  I can still come and go as I please with little to no consequences.  Me and I are still very much at the beginning or included in every sentence.  It’s about my wants, my needs, and my likes and I was cool with that.  The guy would eventually concede to defeat or just opt-out.  We’d go our separate ways to only continue this cycle with another person with very little self-reflection on either part.  Repeating this self-destructive behavior and none the wiser. 

So how do you break this cycle?  Well, first you have to realize it is a cycle and then do the work to love you and know you.  I truly feel that is the key to a lot of things in life.  We are so quick to say, I want this or I want that but do you really? Why? What are your skills, talents, passions, and gifts? Does what you say you want even align?  I feel that if we took more time to explore these questions before jumping into things we would make better decisions, specifically in the area of relationships.  This will, for sure, reduce the men in rotation because there will be some that you wouldn’t even entertain which inevitably will reduce the cycle.  Dating would become more about fact-finding versus wife’ing someone up.  You’d gather the necessary data about your likes and dislikes, your tolerance and intolerance levels and make more informed decisions when the opportunity arises.  Now, this may just be the project manager in me.  Applying a very strategic plan and approach to becoming the Mrs. but…why not?

Bottom line, if you don’t know yourself, you’re not ready to be a wife.  No judgment, I was there (not too far removed) and didn’t even know it.  But as I’m approaching 40 and have truly come into my own, accepting and embracing the good and the bad of who I am and loving every part of me, I am now growing closer to becoming the Mrs…a wife instead of a girlfriend. 

Loving.  Living.  Growing. 

~ Forever Trina

3 Comments

  1. Anonymous said:

    Wow! This one is deep, Trina.
    I will start off by saying that even in a non-marital relationship, it takes some commitment to keep it together and moving positively (if both people are equally investing).
    As a married woman of almost 5 years, I must say that it’s imperatively important to know your non-negotiables early on. You cannot do this properly without knowing yourself! Once married, it’s almost as if you re-identify, and have to then learn yourself over again. Things can change so significantly over a small period of time. It’s always good to do check-ins with your mate (it’s a suggested priority) and can be almost like a business meeting where you’re going over certain avenues of the Union with a fine-tooth comb just to ensure both individuals are parallel and not moving in different directions.
    A few cents from the Naive Rookie Wife…

    February 13, 2020
    Reply
    • Forever Trina said:

      Thanks, self proclaimed, “Naive Rookie Wife”. I really appreciate your perspective. When you say, “re-identify”, does the core of who you are remain the same? Also, I absolutely agree with the periodic check-ins with your spouse. Something I’ll definitely consider implementing when I reach wifey status. Thanks again, love! ❤️

      February 14, 2020
      Reply
    • Forever Trina said:

      So sorry for my late reply. This is AWESOME advice. Thanks for sharing!

      April 23, 2020
      Reply

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