As I look back over my life and think things over, I can truly say…
“life got me feeling some type of way”
Haha….ya’ll thought I was about to break into Rev. Clay Evans, “I’ve Got a Testimony”, and although I do, right now I want to talk about what’s got me feeling some type of way.
Over the past few years, I’ve been on this journey of wholeness. I’ve taken an introspective look at why I do (or don’t do) certain things. I started going to counseling to help process and move forward from things I had been holding onto like fear, past hurts, pain, trust issues, and even feelings of not being loved in the way I felt I should be loved. This journey to find out why I am the way I am prompted and began to answer questions like,
- Why I may cry at something so seemingly trivial?
- Why I may pop off at the drop of a dime?
- Why I sometimes didn’t believe in myself?
- Why I was such an introvert in my younger years?
- What makes me bold (or not)?
- Where my self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love resided?
- Was it internal, external or even eternal?
Like, what made me tick, and why? And that’s what got me feeling some type of way.
So yes, I do, in fact, have a testimony like the lyrics in Rev. Clay Evans song suggests. I have,
…all in which encompass my story. The ups and the downs, the twists and the turns…they all led me here.
And THAT is why I may pop off or cry or hurt or just feel…emotions. I’ve carried my story for so long, a story, partly written by others and life’s circumstances and a part written through the lens of fear. But I’m finally taking hold and owning these next chapters. I hold the pen to the subsequent chapters of my life and I’m allowing God to guide my pen strokes. I am more accepting of my flaws and my weaknesses because I know who holds them in their hands. And not just that, they are what makes me great, unique, one of a kind, dope!
So I’m not just feeling some type of way but I’m living some type of way…on purpose to allow the light to shine through my broken pieces.
Forgive me (or not) if I’m overly passionate or extra (as some may say) about a topic…or about…ME. I’ve come a long way to get HERE and I have no intention of turning back.
And that’s what I desire for you ladies. Take hold of YOUR story, whatever it may be, and own it, live it, write it. It may be messy but some of the best things can be birthed through it.
You should absolutely feel some type of way, bothered, slighted, offended when someone calls you anything less than a child of God or when life shows you anything less.
God is the author and finisher of your faith…your story. Allow God to guide your pen as you continue writing your way to wholeness.
Loving. Living. Growing.
~ Forever Trina